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Oooold Post: Game Programmers, Game Designers, Loonies and Newbies (circa 2002)

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KatrinaTheLamia said...
  • happy
This post comes circa 2002. I am glad we have came so far since these days. Truly we are in a utopia compared to these dark days XD

Real programmers, game designers, loonies and newbies
by Jonas Kyratzes
Apr 09, 2002

Category: Developer Community\Articles

REAL PROGRAMMERS, GAME DESIGNERS, LOONIES AND NEWBIES
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REAL PROGRAMMERS, GAME DESIGNERS, LOONIES AND NEWBIES

This article was inspired by this text, which pokes fun at the different kinds of roleplayer. I decided to do the same with game developers :). Don't take it seriously. It's just a joke.

Real programmers are the really cool guys and expert programmers who remember the days when PCs were still coal-powered
Game designers are those guys who think they're artists or storytellers or something and keep trying to come up with new ideas
Loonies are really weird people
Newbies are a breed of adolescents that think that they are the next God of Gaming



Group relationships

Real programmers

Real programmers like them
Game designers respect them
Loonies are afraid of them
Newbies flame them for not answering the question "pleez tell me how do i make Final Fantasy?"


Game designers

Real programmers think they should program more and talk less
Game designers like them
Loonies turn purple and explode
Newbies don't understand why they would want to make anything other than Final Fantasy clones


Loonies

Real programmers ignore them
Game designers like them, sort of
Loonies turn purple and explode
Newbies take their nonsense seriously


Newbies

Real programmers ignore them
Game designers flame them
Loonies turn purple and explode
Newbies join them in their whining



Main


Programming

Real programmers use C++
Game designers use anything except Perl
Loonies use Perl
Newbies use RPG Maker, but are looking for expert programmers that will work for free


Art

Real programmers use 3D Studio Max
Game designers use hand-drawn graphics
Loonies use stick men
Newbies are looking for 2 expert 3D artists and 5 expert 2D artists for their new RPG


Web Development

Real programmers use PHP
Game designers use HTML
Loonies use ROFL
Newbies use FrontPage


Game Design

Real programmers design FPSs
Game designers design RPGs
Loonies design Pong 4D
Newbies design 3D Final Fantasy-style Massively Multiplayer RPG/RTS/Puzzle/FPS games that will make them famous


Games

Real programmers play FPSs
Game designers play RPGs
Loonies play Multiplayer Solitaire
Newbies play Final Fantasy


cRPGs

Real programmers play Ultima 4
Game designers play Torment
Loonies play Bladderfall
Newbies play Final Fantasy


Action

Real programmers play Counterstrike
Game designers play Max Payne
Loonies play a *very* weird Half-Life mod involving cows, bananas and flying sausages
Newbies play Final Fantasy


Strategy

Real programmers play WarCraft II
Game designers play Master of Orion II
Loonies play Master of Onion II
Newbies play Final Fantasy


Movies

Real programmers like War Games
Game designers like The Seven Samurai
Loonies like Plan 9 from Outer Space
Newbies like Tomb Raider and Hackers


Music

Real programmers listen to Tool
Game designers listen to Pink Floyd
Loonies listen to the Monkees
Newbies listen to N'Sync


Religion

Real programmers believe in the Tao of Programming
Game designers are agnostics with Buddhist tendencies
Loonies are Wiccans
Newbies think they are gods


In their spare time

Real programmers have no spare time (they have to download porn)
Game designers download porn
Loonies download the Internet
Newbies download porn (or browse goatse) while thinking about Cameron Diaz and how much she would love them, not like that bad bad girl in their class...

More to come...

Game Developer.Net archive

-=-

Jonas Kyratzes has since gone off to the mountainous backwoods of Romania where he rules over the peasants as their demonic dread lord.

Or has gone into a career of independent film director.

They are really the same thing, as far as I am concerned.

Jonas Kyratzes ( runemaster ) is known for his two independent games, "Last Rose in a Desert Garden" and "Song of the Falling Night".
Final Fantasy XI Online

Final Fantasy XI Online (PC)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Persistent World Online RPG
Release Date: 28/OCT/03
Counterstrike

Counterstrike (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/First-Person Shooter
Release Date: 10/NOV/00
Half-Life

Half-Life (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/First-Person Shooter
Release Date:
Half-Life: Team Fortress

Half-Life: Team Fortress (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/First-Person Shooter
Release Date:
Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar

Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar (PC)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Third-Person 2D RPG
Release Date:
Master of Orion II: Battle at Antares

Master of Orion II: Battle at Antares (PC)

Genre/Style: Strategy/Empire-Building
Release Date:
Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy VII (PS)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Third-Person 3D RPG
Release Date: 01/AUG/97
Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy VII (PC)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Third-Person 3D RPG
Release Date: 19/APR/98
Master of Orion II: Battle at Antares

Master of Orion II: Battle at Antares (MAC)

Genre/Style: Strategy/Empire-Building
Release Date:
Half-Life: Opposing Force

Half-Life: Opposing Force (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/First-Person Shooter
Release Date: 19/NOV/99
Max Payne

Max Payne (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/Third-Person 3D Shooter
Release Date: 24/JUL/01
WarCraft II: Tides of Darkness

WarCraft II: Tides of Darkness (PC)

Genre/Style: Strategy/2D Real-Time Strategy
Release Date:
Half-Life: Blue Shift

Half-Life: Blue Shift (PC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/First-Person Shooter
Release Date: 12/JUN/01
Max Payne

Max Payne (PS2)

Genre/Style: Shooter/Third-Person 3D Shooter
Release Date: 08/DEC/01
Max Payne

Max Payne (MAC)

Genre/Style: Shooter/Third-Person 3D Shooter
Release Date: 21/APR/03
Max Payne

Max Payne (XBOX)

Genre/Style: Shooter/Third-Person 3D Shooter
Release Date: 14/DEC/01
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII (PSP)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Third-Person 3D Action RPG
Release Date: 25/MAR/08
Final Fantasy XI Online

Final Fantasy XI Online (X360)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Persistent World Online RPG
Release Date: 18/APR/06
Dirge of Cerberus: Lost Episode -- Final Fantasy VII

Dirge of Cerberus: Lost Episode -- Final Fantasy VII (MOB)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Third-Person 3D Action RPG
Release Date:
Final Fantasy XIV: Online

Final Fantasy XIV: Online (PS3)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Persistent World Online RPG
Release Date:
Final Fantasy XIV: Online

Final Fantasy XIV: Online (PC)

Genre/Style: Role-playing/Persistent World Online RPG
Release Date:
Emblem for Genome

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Genome

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